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Male victims of sexual violence are an underreported demographic, and your son deserves to tell his story, to be believed, and to receive help. I hope your daughter will permit you to attend a session with her therapist to discuss next steps, including going to the police.
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You don’t mention any consequences for the adult who abused these children. Holding onto this secret must have been excruciating for both of your children. You cannot control how he will respond, but I hope you will hold fast and stay in his corner. Please do not let his addiction control your willingness to face this heartbreaking challenge openly. I am afraid if I say the wrong thing his drug use may spiral out of control again.ĭear Heartbroken: You should be honest with your son. Should I respect his privacy, or should I tell him that his sister told me? I am torn, because this is obviously something that he does not want me to know. I would like to tell him that I know what happened and offer to get him help. My son, however, has been using hard drugs for several years now. My daughter has been in therapy for a while now and is dealing with it. My heart breaks for them that they endured this alone. I am terribly sad that my children thought they could not come to me and tell me this when it was happening.
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My daughter recently let me know that she and her brother were molested for many years throughout their childhood by my sister-in-law. Watching you interacting calmly and appropriately with these children might make the lightbulb go on for the parents.ĭear Amy: I am a mom with two grown children, a son who is 26 and a daughter who is 23. I also have a couple of books I could recommend, if you’re interested.” It’s a lot! Let me know if you’d be interested in some tips and tricks I’ve learned over the years. You can say, “Well, I’ve worked with a lot of kids, and I can see that your two are very active. If you are able to catch a quiet moment with these parents, you could start by simply asking them how things are going. Obviously, the children won’t be climbing all over everything in your house, because you’ll calmly stop them and say, “You can’t climb on top of the furniture at my house, but over here is something you can do,” and point them toward a different activity. You might start by acknowledging that two children under the age of 4 is a lot, no matter how you slice it. There are ways to offer fellowship and support, where you can piggyback some gentle “coaching” onto your compassion in order to offer these overwhelmed parents some commonsense advice. Parents sometimes believe that countering overstimulation with more stimulation will somehow “tire out” their children, but as you know, overstimulated young children can’t focus, and tired children melt down. Am I overreacting?Īsk Amy: These latest blows have jolted my happy stay-at-home lifeĭear Tired: If you’ve worked as a childhood educator, surely you have seen other parents whose behavior or reactions amplified, rather than mollified, their children. My grown children have informed me that if this family is present for the holidays, they won’t be coming.Īsk Amy: My wife used our kids as an excuse not to make moneyĪsk Amy: My husband says I need to refuse to sing in publicĪsk Amy: Am I justified in resenting her for this failed car sale?Īsk Amy: I just saw what my husband is doing on Twitter. Ask Amy: My children won't attend if these terrors are thereĮveryone is tired of the situation, and I feel like I can’t extend advice because it will look like criticism.